Duffy’s blog entry:
Please excuse the thousands of grammatical errors~ it is 1 am and I am not worried about comma splices or run on sentences, lol. I also tell stories in way too much detail.
We have been so busy trying to be by Kaylee’s side that we haven’t had a chance to answer the biggest question; how did this happen? How did you end up at the hospital? So here goes.
Kaylee had been showing signs of teething for about a week 1/2- two weeks until I started to notice she was getting very needy (always wanting me to hold her, throwing a tantrum when I didn’t, waking up multiple times of the night crying, not having much appetite….) So I did what we all do…I googled everything about teething and saw that everything she was doing was “normal” for teething, and would hopefully get better soon. I did everything I could to make her “teething” easier. On recent play dates I mentioned to friends that see her quite often “Does Kaylee look weird to you? She just seems ‘off’ lately…and I don’t know what it is other than teething…and I don’t want to be that…mom that worries for no reason…”
Finally, on Thursday Aug 1st, I called my husband and said “It’s a bad day…she is totally crying about nothing, except when I hold her…she isn’t eating much either. Something is wrong and I don’t think it’s just teething honey. Maybe she has an ear infection?” He said “she is probably tired, but call the Dr.” I talked to my mother in law and mother and both said “Duff, make a dr. appt just to feel better.” So I did. I made a sick appt for 2:15.
During the Dr. visit, Dr. Hill mentioned Kaylee’s bruises (I’m thinking; uh she is a toddler and running into everything) and her super pale complexion (I am mentally patting myself on the back at this point at what a good sunblock warrior I have been for my daughter (so dumb, Duffy.) and then she said she wanted to do a blood test to see if Kaylee was Anemic. (wait, what?) I looked at the Dr. and knew that something else was bothering her but I didn’t question it. The Dr. came back after a few minutes of looking at K’s blood and said. “Ok, Kaylee is Anemic.” my response: Ohhh.. Ok so that explains the random bruising and her paleness?” (I started to relax for a minute b/c she had just confirmed I wasn’t paranoid about worrying) but there was more…. Our sweet Dr. looked like she was going to cry so I said “Oh no…Oh God…What….? Tell me….don’t sugarcoat whatever you need to say… what is it?” She took a deep breath and said ” I looked at Kaylee’s blood on a slide, and her white blood cells are off the charts, her red blood cells & platelets are way down…I need to send you to Scottish Rite Children’s Hospital because I need the hematologist to confirm if she has a really bad virus or maybe..possibly even Leukemia.” (I couldn’t breathe…I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach and the flood of tears came. My Brain was screaming WHAT?!!) She said “Do you want your husband to go with you?” I couldn’t talk between my sobs (other than nodding yes) so she called Chris at work, explained the situation and to meet me at the Pediatricians office. He arrived, she filled him in and we headed to Scottish Rite. (I prayed the whole way there.) We were ushered immediately into a Triage room past the other Emergency room patients at Scottish Rite Children’s Hospital. We were introduced to the Hematologist and the Oncologist. Kaylee had to give more blood (screaming crying while I held her and tried to comfort her for being poked so many times) Both Dr.’s said it could take an hour to get results back, so we waited….only 10 minutes later the Oncologist came back in and said “I am so sorry to tell you this, but your daughter has Leukemia. There are different types so it may take a bit longer to find out what type it is, but I believe it is ALL Leukemia which has the highest cure rate….. ( at this point my husband, my mother in law, sister in law, and I are crying &I pretty much don’t remember much what he said after that…I was trying to process,,,,, my sweet baby girl…(asleep on my lap at this point) my little 17 month old, full of spunk, sass, and sweetness, lover of playground slides, and Elmo..has cancer?!!! How and Why did this happen? At one point later that day I know I asked “What if I had gone to the Dr a week earlier? The Dr said, it doesn’t matter, she would have gotten more and more lethargic making her heart work harder and you would have noticed…a week…two weeks, would not have made this diagnosis different. She either has Leukemia or she doesn’t. It isn’t like other cancers where there are stages, and it is not known how all kids get Leukemia.” Later, I remember when I was being wheeled to our hospital room (bc K was asleep on my lap) I was quietly sobbing when we came thru the doors of our section and seeing ‘AFLAC Cancer and Blood Disorder Center.” Pictures of smiling bald babies hung in the hallways and kids with IV’s walking by us…. I tried so hard not to cry in front of Kaylee, but found myself asking the Dr questions and having to take a second to breathe to stop the tears. Just being real here, I was not some strong, fearless mom at this point. I was a crumbling mess trying to hold it together while my sister in law prayed over us.
We didn’t tell anyone but immediate family for the next few hours, and only posted to Facebook that we needed prayers for blood tests that Kaylee was going through (because they wouldn’t know for sure it was ALL Leukemia until the morning.) So, the original Dr appt was at 2;15, we were told she had cancer by 5pm and were wheeled to her room in the Cancer Center by 6ish, so our life completely changed in a matter of hours and we had no idea how to process it all.
I think it was when Chris’s Uncle and a friend of mine said the same words that night that put the fire back in my heart, that helped me quit crying & be the parents our daughter needs us to be during this battle while trusting God the entire way. Both of them said something along these lines ” Do not for one second feel sorry for yourself, or for Kaylee or for Chris. It is a waste of energy that can be spent fighting for your daughter, praying for your daughter and encouraging your daughter. God has chosen you three to lean on Him during this trial and to trust His purpose. You job is to love your daughter, and to teach her to fight, and pray…Pray everyday for the Dr’s, the nurses, for her and know that God will heal her, because He can!
So that is what we are doing. We are praying. We are fighting for her recovery and believing that she WILL beat this! We will be blogging as much as possible with pictures and updates on how she is doing, what she is doing, or how we are doing, There might be days where we need your encouragement and prayer (well, we always need your prayers.) So please FIGHT WITH US, PRAY WITH/FOR US, and share Kaylee’s story because there is NO such thing as too much prayer! Proverbs 3:5-6.